Since I’m jumping in with this blog six months down the road from the events that set us on this path, I’ve decided to do TBTs with my journal. Seeing how I’ve almost filled two composition books in that time, there’s plenty to pull from. Tonight, we’ll start at the beginning. I’ll spare you the details of everything that happened that night because those nightmares no one deserves. I will start with the final paragraph to my first entry at 7:15a.m. after his transfer to the children’s hospital. Brig and I had been there since 4a.m. and Caleb arrived with his transport team just before 4:30a.m. At this point we knew he had nonreactive pupils, his heart had stopped completely for 9 minutes, and he’d received chest compressions for 24 minutes. We were informed that if he woke up, he’d likely have extensive and severe brain damage due to oxygen deprivation. He had what is called a severe hypoxic-ischemic brain injury and all we could do was wait, pray, and be with him.
December 13, 2014 7:15a.m.
“…Through this all, I have come to more fully understand some things and really want to remember this. I know, with all my soul, that we are not our bodies. The broken, little body in the bed next to me is merely a mortal vessel for who he is. He’s an energetic, bouncy, happy, sneaky ray of sunshine. He is his spirit. That is always whole. Caleb is not a brain injury. I also know that Christ lives and loves me. I know He is playing and running with Bubba while I can’t. Caleb is in His care and I know the Lord will keep him safe while his body does what our Father desires. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that the Lord is with us, that He lives and that families can and will be forever. I testify of these things.”
The path since this journal entry has been the bumpiest, roughest, most agonizing of my life, but every bit of it still rings true to my heart and soul. I just have that much more incentive to be the best I can be.