Today, we go back to what would have been Caleb’s third birthday. It was quite a roller coaster day, but the peace we felt moving through this day was undeniable. I redacted some details that aren’t really helpful for anyone to know, but kept the bulk of my entry in tact.
December 18th, 2014 1:55AM
“Today is officially Bubba’s third birthday. My heart is so heavy, knowing I won’t be able to give him his presents. Our dear, sweet boy was officially declared brain dead last night at 10:09PM. It was a terrible process to watch through the late evening and early morning hours yesterday as his brain shut down….
We have gone through all the paperwork to donate all his organs, corneas, and tissues that we can. We’ll know more about the recipients in the coming days and months. For now, he remains on the vent and the team is prepping for transplant surgery tonight. He’ll be giving many presents today. It’s so fitting of his giving nature. I go from feeling so happy at the memories of him to excruciating pain with a burning hole in my chest. I’d do or give anything to bring him back. This is terrible.
However, there is such peace. Peace as we know of His plan and that Bub is with our Father. Comfort is constant, but the grief and sorrow come in all consuming waves with little warning. The love, support, and prayers poured out in our behalf have been amazing. Bubba is already sending us so much peace of mind. Just after the first round of brain death exams, a family came into the PICU. A mama was visiting with her 2.5 year old daughter and 7 month old chubby boy. He was in the hospital from birth to 3 months, waiting for a heart. He got his miracle and is thriving! Caleb will be able to be that miracle, too. I’m so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us that last bit of reassurance. He is peace and all encompassing love. I’m so grateful for His gospel!”