Coming Around

Tonight is a big night for me.  I sat and edited pictures all evening.

My little sis, Meesh, married her love, Ry, back in November over Thanksgiving weekend.  It had been a really busy and crazy fall and I flew to Idaho for the wedding alone.  I was sad to not have the whole family there, but a bit relieved at the break.  I would be able to just focus on my sis, doing her hair, taking her wedding pictures, and then spending a bit of time with family after the wedding.  It was nice.  I even had some wonderful, solo time with my youngest sister, Madi.  The weather was wonderful and the high mountain desert let my soul breath.  I came home refreshed and ready to get my December on.  I even got a good start on editing several hundred wedding pictures!

Then, my Caleb died.

I couldn’t look at the pictures.

They were from a different time and place.  A different me.  Not even me.  Some woman who looked like me, but had a whole heart, and six children.  A woman who enjoyed the break from her kids, including the feisty two year old who’d been waking her up at night.  She’d almost not gone because she didn’t want to miss Friday through Monday with her family, but she was so happy once she got there that she hardly called home.

I couldn’t edit pictures from a different world.

Tonight, I finished those wedding pictures.  Those beautiful, happy pictures.  It is me in some of them.  A different me, because death changes you.  But, so does time.

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-Jenelle

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