A letter to my Lovie

Dear Bubba Love,

We will never get the chance to do all that I had planned for this school year.  I know I’ll see you again, but I won’t be raising you as the caboose to my little train, just 19 months behind your sister.  It won’t be the same.  That makes me really sad and angry sometimes.  Mostly though, I’m lonely and miss having you with me, my little shadow.  I’d love to hear you ask to play on the “pipad” just one more time or see you walk down the hall with your blankie wrapped around you E.T. style.  Oh, what I wouldn’t give for one more laughing fit or even a grunty growl.  I can still feel your silky hair on my cheek.  You would get hot so easily as we ‘nugged.  That corn silk on your head was so fine, but so dense!  It’d get so wet with sweat close to your scalp and your cheeks and ears would get so rosy.  I also remember the day your cheeks and ears weren’t rosy anymore, but their heat still burns in my heart.  I wanted to share my plans with you.  What I had in store.  So here it goes.

Tomorrow starts the third week of school and I’m so happy we’re settling into our routine!  Your kids will all be off at school well before 8:45 and then it’s our time until late afternoon.  Don’t worry about getting up with the herd, you can still sleep in.  I’ll scoop you up for hugs and kisses with your kids if you haven’t sleeply found your way down the hall before they need to leave.  It looks like it’ll be rainy, so I’m just planning on putting you in your car seat with your jammies on to take them to school.  Then, we’ll scoot home for our breakfast time, because you know I was making lunches while everyone else ate.  Next, it’s time to get ready for the day!  We’re not too far away from you being able to wear your footies with your snow boots everyday, but for now, please just wear clothes.

Once you’re dressed, we’ll head to the sun room for a bit of preschool time.  Your name is taped to the little table and I picked up some new craft supplies.  I even have a saved egg carton for making ladybugs and caterpillars.  You’re so close to writing your name all by yourself, which doesn’t surprise me.  It still amazes me how you’ve held your pen correctly and focused so well on writing since before you were two.  Since it’s been rainy, we’ll be sure to hit story time at the library at 10:30 and you can play in the playhouse afterwards.  Then, I think we’ll sneak out for lunch and you can get your kitchen fun on at the Mongolian grill in town.  I love that you’re not a picky eater and especially love broccoli.  That’s one of the reasons you’re so big, healthy, and strong!

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After lunch, we’ll head home for nap.  I’ll ‘nug you in your blankie while I check my email.  You’ll fall asleep in my arms and I’ll be tempted to just take you to my room and lay down with you, but I need to tidy the house.  So, I’ll put you in your bed with your yey-yo bankie and your Bunita Bunny were you’ll snooze away while I tidy up before the kids get home.  You’ll wake up 90min to two hours later, asking where the kids are and ready for snack.  I’ll get you some apple slices and peanut butter, then we’ll read some stories and I’ll enjoy your attention while I have it.  I know you’ll be in the throws of sibling love before too long and you’ll not pay much attention to me unless you need something until it’s bedtime.  So, I’ll smell your stinky petes when you stick them in my face and blow raspberries on your belly while I can, because it’s off to jump, wrestle, and play as soon as that front door opens.  It makes me so happy to see how excited you get about the kids coming home and then daddy a bit later.  I know they’ll keep you busy and happy while I make dinner.  Just don’t play too rough and come to me crying.  I know you want to do everything they do, but try to stay 3 just a little bit.WP_20141022_003

Once that door opens, you’ll be off, and the next five hours will fly by with rough housing, playing, dance, football practice, dinner, homework, and bedtime routine.  I know you won’t be ready to sleep when they are, but we’ll still brush your teeth and get your jammies on.  After family song and prayer, daddy and I will tuck them in, and then it’s just the three of us.  Daddy will load the dishwasher while you ‘nug on my lap and watch me edit pictures.  Once he’s done, he’ll join us in the chair in my office, pull out his laptop, and I’ll have an empty lap as you two watch college football highlights from the weekend together.  I’ll know that you’re ready to come back to my lap just before falling asleep when I hear the usual music from this video start to play.  When you’re asleep, I’ll put you in your bed, rub the top of your head, and tiptoe out of your room.

Dad and I will watch some t.v. or play a game and then we’ll head to bed, too.  Just like I have every night for the last three years and nearly nine months, the last thing I do before going into my room for the night will be kissing your sweaty, sleeping head one more time.  I’ll then whisper that I love you as I run my hand through your hair and tell you to sleep well and have good dreams as I walk out and close the door.

It’s been more than 11 years since I’ve had one kiddo at home with me for the entire school day.  I’m so happy I have this time with you.  I know it’ll only last this year and then you’ll be in preschool for part of the day next year, but I’m not worrying about that yet.  I’m relishing every minute of our time together.  You’re my littlest lovie and I’m so very much enjoying watching you grow up.  My mind runs wild as I imagine all you can be and do.  You’re so smart, capable, and talented in so many ways.  I just wish you’d slow down a little.  I only want to hold you on my lap a little longer.

I love you forever and a day.  Infinity plus one.


One thought on “A letter to my Lovie

  1. Beautiful! Emmah would’ve been going to Kinderfarm preschool and coming home so excited to tell me about all the animals and her schoolwork. I literally feel that gut wrenching ache that you have for Caleb….I feel it for Emmah too. Hugs!


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